Love Begins With Friendship

What will it take for me to find a friend i can trust completely. someone i can call when i need some encouragement. What will it take for someone to completely trust me?

There are some things i wish i could take back but this year would not be one of them.

2009 has been a great learning curve for me as pertains to matters of the heart.

After meeting some well meaning people across two continents I can honestly say labels are not enough when it comes to choosing who your real friends are.

I can not count the number of relationships I have had to end or have been ended this year due to a lack of trust or whatever else (maybe it was my funny accent, or uncontrollable anger???, or my lack of knowledge on American pop culture, or my pride/arrogance according to some, or lack of ‘Benjamins’, or it could very well be my sensitive or insensitive nature).

The other day someone posted a comment saying, I shouldn’t feel lonely after I posted on my facebook status thing I was alone in my apartment on christmas day, because according to them God was there in the apartment.

And so I ask myself, who should dictate how I feel-is it my friend on facebook, is it me, or is it God?

If i feel lonely is that a sin?

As a Kenyan male from the kikuyu tribe, I did go through the traditional male initiation rite into adulthood where one is circumcised at the age of thirteen. And for me to be really considered a man I had to make sure I did not cry when going through this painful exercise.

Men are not supposed to cry! at least according to my culture.

To show weak emotions is not something I am accustomed to.

But after years of living in denial, i realize the only way for me to find healing when I am in pain is by being honest about how I feel.

Sermons can inspire one to change but  a preacher who only gives good sermons and is not willing to risk everything for the sake of the gospel is only fooling him/herself.

For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. (Hebrews 4:12)

I hate seeing myself and other christians living a double life.

Where we say one thing but live out our lives in a totally different way from what we preach. Nobody is perfect but it is equally true to say, nobody has the right to be misleading either.

It is Jesus who is quoted as saying, ‘But if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea.’ (Mathew 18:6)

I have to admit I don’t wake up everyday willing to die for my ‘friends’ or my ‘church buddies’

But I want to.

I want to be able to call someone I like, a friend.  Someone I can feel comfortable sharing my troubles with and vice versa.

From my observations in the five years I have been living here in America I am becoming even more aware of what it is people look for when they want to be your friend.

It is sometimes an unconscious thing but as time goes by it becomes obvious to both parties what it is their so called friendship is lacking or is good for.

The funny thing is most people seem to underestimate what others who are different from them have to offer. And by different, I mean someone who is not accustomed to your way of life or culture.

It never hurts to learn something new but it does hurt to admit you are wrong.

But thats what following Christ is all about, admitting we are wrong. We have to admit we are wrong before we can truly learn from Him.

I am wrong for not admiting this in the first place, that I need the Jesus in me and the Jesus in you to be friends so he can fill my loneliness.

Like Solomon, the wisest King, once wrote,

If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! (Ecclesiastes 4:10)

A righteous man is cautious in friendship, but the way of the wicked leads them astray. (Proverbs 12:26)

Wealth brings many friends, but a poor man’s friend deserts him. (Proverbs 19:4)

Key lesson to learn: Never underestimate anyone, not even your ‘friend’.

I pray I can find my blessing in you.

Lets put our love in a friendship and not just in a love song!

Dying For Deeper Meaningful Friendships in 2010

my cell number: 626 376 0807 (looking for friendship-not casual dating

“In the journey of life just find someone as normal as you, if not a whole bunch.”